Second 10 minute layout quickie before bed throwing some signature style on. Forgot how hard it is to draw small. This is for that first night at The Tav where we sat and talked about everything and nothing and where we said “we wanted to know everything about each other” then played footsie under the table which was honestly one of the best nights in the last five years of my life, and for that one time when we got caught in the rain walking around Cap Hill, it’s raining now. I had to believe that people could look past each other insecurities and flaws to appreciate the moments in life that really matter and still want to be a part of each other’s lives, but I know that’s not the case now. Won’t be writing much about this piece from here on out since I no longer know how I feel about it.
And I still love you.
Fitting that this will be my last portrait. Truth be told I’ve only ever done one other painting about someone I genuinely and selflessly loved. The rest have been friends, strangers, and random people I’ve exchanged pleasantries with. The thing about painting from memory is the brains innate ability to idealize things. That’s why I have to stay objective and why this quick layout sketch is off a little. Just a warm up before the transfer to canvas. And at least after I pull this piece out of myself, I can let go, finish up some commissions, and start getting ready for my first legitimate showing with Core New Art Space.
It’s also about letting go.
Plan on starting the last portrait tomorrow in my latest style which is going to be the most personal piece of art I’ve created in my entire life. This is gonna hurt and be emotionally destructive.
Every time I sit down and try to paint I can’t. Apparently having someone you thought would never hurt you, cut you out of their life randomly and for no reason isn’t really good for the creative process. At least I’ve shook the whole nihilism thing though. Heartbreak sucks.